sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize