I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
