I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
