i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
