I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
