Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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