whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize