I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
