A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
