I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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