I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
