if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
