I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize