I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
