she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
