I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
