toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
