there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
