I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
