I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
