Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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