wanna go halves on a baby?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
