im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
