So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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