i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
