you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
