I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
