I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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