Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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