$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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