can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you didnt know i had herpes?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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