I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
