He had one of those small greek statue penises
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
