a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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