You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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