Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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