Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't turn off my feet"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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