i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
