dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
