I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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