There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
