Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
