Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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