i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
