He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
