some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
