That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I won the penis lottery.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
