His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
