meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
