textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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