U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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