I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
