please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
