i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
