If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
