i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
