We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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