moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
