My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
