In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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