I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize