oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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