i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
