1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize