I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
