wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
