i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
