his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
