I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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