I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
