I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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