you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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