Who wears a wallet chain?!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
