can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
