he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I could make wine with my vomit
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
