saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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