dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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