no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize