He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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