Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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