He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
