mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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