God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
