i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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