summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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